and i thought they just bounced off the ceiling....

i have to admit, i've spent way too much time this morning trying to figure out what my costume will be for tomorrow night's themed game night. 70s night was comparatively easy--i put on a pair of flair slacks, a multi-colored shirt, tied a fringe belt around my forehead and called it a night. david's fuzzy blond wig, eric's greased-down hair and lorri's owl glasses definitely took the cake, though. this week presents a bit more of a challenge. i have an idea...but i'm not sure yet if i can pull it off. we'll find out (and yes, i'm purposely being vague to protect the surprise factor). i'm kind of hoping we give "apples to apples" a rest and pull out pictionary or charades this time. we're getting a little "appled out." hehe.

despite (or maybe because of) these flights into attempted creativity, my thoughts continue to dwell on a "ditty" the Lord gave me this morning. i'm not sure if it first began turning over in my spirit while i was asleep or after i awakened. the message is simply this: "when i call Your name, i know You answer."

i know it's a simple thought, but how often we over-complicate life. i was talking to a friend of mine yesterday about how we (in corporate church) are guilty sometimes of talking little ones out of coming to Jesus simply because we can't believe they're sincere. we all but dissuade them from answering altar calls because they can't reason through all of the ifs/ands/buts like we do. and salvation is all about shades of gray....right?

or is it really that simple? is it really just a matter of "i cry and He answers"? are we the ones that miss out because we are too afraid of taking Him at His word?

fear. it always comes back to fear. i'm afraid to risk trusting Him--why? because i don't want to look foolish if He doesn't do things my way? or even more than that--because i don't believe i deserve for Him to do what He promised? but then, God doesn't act based on our merit or on what we deserve...does He?

i think that's why david was able to walk in such closeness with God as He did. the psalms prove that he understood God answers us for His own sake. it's not that i move God to respond to my pleas based on the intensity of my prayer, the number of my tears, or how many days i fast. God is close to the broken-hearted, and He listens to the cries of the oppressed, yes, but He answers for the sake of His Name.

God has a reputation for being strong and mighty to save, and He guards it zealously. when i pray to Him, i know He hears me and i know He answers. it's that simple.

nomads

so i'm up to my ears in boxes....again. i have moved at least once every two years for as long as i can remember. my mom asked me recently if i ever wanted to get an actual sofa instead of having a futon, and my initial reaction was to wonder why on earth i would do that. futons are lighter and easier to move.

pete grieg wrote this amazing article (for lack of a better word) called the vision; when i first heard it several years ago, my heart "zinged" at the following phrase:

They are mobile like the wind, they belong to the nations. They need no passport. People write their addresses in pencil and wonder at their strange existence.

there was something captivating and romantic about the life of a nomad, and it called to me. a season of sojourning. free...mobile...unfettered. so it is with everyone born of the Spirit. amen.

but it's a lot harder to remember that when sweat is pouring down your back, your hair is in your eyes, and you've smacked your hand with a hammer for the fifth time hanging pictures that you know you're just going to take down again in a few months. it's easy to lose sight of purpose, then. when you're struggling to slide a mattress through a door frame that doesn't want to cooperate, it's easy swear that you'll never do this again.

one of my mentors brought a refreshing perspective in conversation yesterday. she was talking about a ministry in the city that doesn't have a permanent place to meet--and is considering rotating around to several churches during the week. "what a wonderful opportunity to be able to go in and salt these bodies," she exclaimed.

oh...

Jesus called us to be salt and light; in His kindness, He answers the "yes" of our spirits even when our bodies complain. each transition in my life has expanded my circle of influence. every new face has a new story, and is a new opportunity for me to teach and to learn.

i'm thinking about opportunities today--maybe you're facing a job transfer, getting laid off or moving home from college for the summer. regardless of the circumstances, the question that remains is this: are you "salting" as you go?

what i see when i'm blind

my first coherent thought this morning was that rules regarding working hours should change with the weather. today's one of those hazy, gray days that threaten rain but never quite follow through. when the alarm clock went off at 6:00 this morning, my eyes immediately responded that they had no intention of getting up if the sun wasn't. it was 7:15 before i finally staggered out of bed, feeling drugged and shaking off dreams about a burned house and a schnauzer that just had ear surgery.


it's funny how cloudy mornings affect us. when i don't see the sun, i feel sluggish and dull-witted. don't get me wrong--rainy days are my favorite of all, but only when i can curl up with a mug of tea and a good book or sit in an awning somewhere watching the thunderheads roll in and losing myself in the scent of rain. i'm not particularly fond of them when i have to be somewhere.


i was talking to the Lord this morning along a similar vein. when i don't perceive the Son, i lose focus and definition in my life. discipline to force myself to read my Bible and pray overtakes desire to spend time with Him.

then the Holy Spirit, who brings life and revelation to the Word, led me to this passage:

2 Corinthians 3:15-16 Even to this day when Moses is read, a veil covers their hearts. But whenever anyone turns to the Lord, the veil is taken away.

i pray for you today what i prayed for myself this morning -- that you would turn to the Spirit of God and seek a spirit of wisdom and revelation to see Him in the fullness of who He is; and that He would in turn honor His promise from 2 Corinthians 3:16 and show Himself strong to you as the Lord, mighty to save and close to your heart.

who am i?

i am no one.
i have nothing.
i'm a tiny
hidden
vulnerable
voice
buried under a billion others
terrified of the attention
--scrutiny--
for which i struggle.

i'm just like you.

but

i've found definition
purpose
life.
beyond me
attainable
mine.

life that's mine.
life i can reach.
life i can believe.
meaning.
purpose.

Jesus.
the I AM

do you know Him?

i was hoping for a dream and he gave me a nail

And again He entered Capernaum after some days, and it was heard that He was in the house. Immediately many gathered together, so that there was no longer room to receive them, not even near the door. And He preached the word to them. Then they came to Him, bringing a paralytic who was carried by four men. And when they could not come near Him because of the crowd, they uncovered the roof where He was. So when they had broken through, they let down the bed on which the paralytic was lying. When Jesus saw their faith, He said to the paralytic, "Son, your sins are forgiven you." -- Mark 2:1-5

I've found myself wondering lately how often I have repudiated the valuable simply because it didn't look like that for which I'd been asking. How many times do I pray and pray, seeking something specifically, and then throw away the answer in ingratitude simply because I was expecting something else.

That word “expect” is so pregnant with implication. One of the lessons from elementary school that has stayed with me all of my life taught the difference between a hope and a wish. Although my teacher didn't express it in these terms, I learned that the fundamental difference between the two is expectancy. We don't expect wishes to happen. Expectancy involves preparing our hearts in some way to receive. Deferred hope only makes the heart sick because the heart has gone through the process of arming itself with expectancy, truly believing that that for which it longs will one day come.

The paralytic (or at least his friends) came to Jesus with a certain expectation. Jesus had a reputation of miraculous healings. He also had a reputation of compassion. The logical conclusion was that Jesus would lift the man from the bed and restore him to wholeness. I do the same thing every time I come to God and latch onto three Scriptures that seem to promise what I want. “God, this is who You are” (as if I truly know), “and this is what You want...so go ahead and do thus-and-so.”

But Jesus didn't seem to care about the expectation of the paralytic, his friends, or even of the crowd. Jesus addressed a need within the paralytic that was greater than the one that seemed most obvious; and He did so without tagging it onto provision for the expected. I probably would have couched it in “spiritual terms” and said something like, “Hey, buddy, go ahead and get up and walk, and by the way, let that be a sign to you that your sins are forgiven.” I certainly wouldn't have said, “Your sins are forgiven” and then just stopped. If nothing else, that could be very damaging to my reputation, right?

I found myself in a situation yesterday where I expected one thing and received another. As I was driving away from church in typical “such a nice day” mode (which involves car windows rolled down and music blaring), I pulled to a stop at a red light and somehow managed to disconnect my ipod and send it skittering to the floor. I reached to retrieve it, and because the music was off but the windows were still down, I was able to hear the lady in the car that pulled up beside me calling across to me, “Ma'am?” I gave her an inquisitive look, and she informed me that my front tire was really low. Having noticed as much when I cranked my car earlier that afternoon, I made a split-second decision and thanked her, saying I was on my way to have it fixed. She and her husband broke into broad smiles (he gave me a thumbs up), the light changed, I put my music back on and we went our separate ways.

Fast-forward about ten minutes and I was in the automotive department at WalMart, slowly reversing while a kind employee eyeballed my front tire for signs of damage. At one point, he threw up his hand and indicated for me to stop and then drive forward a little again. The culprit for my flat tire was a small nail that would take about twenty minutes to repair. I thanked him for his help and went to meander around the store for a while.

Two hours later, I was sighing in near-disbelief that my simple patch job had progressed to me needing at least two new tires. My car is out of alignment and has been damaging the interior wall of my tires for months. Not only was the one on the driver's side flat, but the one on the passenger side was just about to blow as well. While the men continued to work on my car, I took a minute to forcibly change my attitude to one of thanksgiving that God had provided the resources I needed to pay for what was for me an unexpected circumstance. It was at that point that I felt Him whispering to me that, that wasn't the only provision He'd made that afternoon. It could have been very bad had my tires blown out at 70-miles-per-hour on the interstate. He reminded me of all the times I've prayed (and continue to pray) for safety on the roads; and He reminded me of the prayers my family has prayed for such as well. Now, I must admit that I've prayed these prayers with a certain expectation of how He's supposed to go about giving me protection. Don't let me hydroplane. Keep that 18-wheeler in the other lane. Block tree branches from crashing through my windshield. That sort of thing. I've expected divine intervention in the “big” areas. He chose instead to send a nail.

The irony isn't lost on me. After all, this isn't the first time the Lord has used a nail, even at the risk of disappointing the hopes of men. And so often our reactions are the same as those of our ancestors 2,000 years ago,--disgust, confusion, and pain when He doesn't do things our way. It would have been easy for the paralytic to reject forgiveness of sins because it didn't look like what he thought he wanted at the time. It would have been easy for me to grumble for having to replace my tires, or even for having a flat in the first place. But His ways always work better than ours, and He walks us through things for a reason. In the end, the paralytic and I both received what we truly want; He just did it His way.